I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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