hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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