Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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