I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
