So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
