I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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