She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
