I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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