Please, let me fuck your mom
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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