...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
