suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
