How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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