I skipped work to stalk him.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Pants are for mortals
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
