can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
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