he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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