I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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