tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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