Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
