i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
