You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
