i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
