I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
