I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I can feel your judgement through the phone
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
