According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
