Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
