we have officially lost it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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