Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
