Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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