Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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