There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
