those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
