sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
COCAINE IS GR8
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
