Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
