Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
even my farts smell like vagina
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
