I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
