So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
