Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
