I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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