Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
