Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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