Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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