just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She is in my trunk
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
