I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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