My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Randomize
