I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
