is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
