Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
