My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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