I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
