while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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