"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
