Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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