She is in my trunk
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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