After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Let's get the cat blown out
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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