No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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