i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
