So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think i have herpe
just one?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
