i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize