I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
do herpes really smell.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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