just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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