are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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