Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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