6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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