I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I could make wine with my vomit
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
