I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
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i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
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when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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