im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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