it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
