He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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