Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
