just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
