If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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