I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
