Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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