Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wanna bring you to show and tell
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
