opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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