When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
