Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
