I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
